For Me, He was Real

Before he was "famous" for Brokeback Mountain, I knew him as Coner, a young Irish man battling the Romans for the survival of his village in the short lived series Roar (1997). I was instantly smitten with him even though he was 10 years younger than me.

I was sitting at the computer yesterday while Jeff flipped on the evening news. I was typing away in my own little world when the words "dead" and "Heath Ledger" suddenly crashed into my radar. I jumped up from my chair and ran to the t.v. hoping it was someone else, that I had heard incorrectly. I had not. I was shocked ("shocked" seems to be the recurring choice of words around the internet).

I'm a fairly emotional person. I have been all my life. That being said, it's easy for me to form attachments to people I don't personally know. When I watch movies and television shows I form a strong attachment to my favorite characters. It's one of the reasons why I have such a hard time when my favorite shows get canceled without notice.

I have a strong attachment to Heath. I really didn't realize it until today as his death still continues to stagger me and bring me to tears. I know it's unrealistic. I didn't even know the man. I only know the parts of himself he gave to his roles and public appearances. I've never met him. But I've always considered him one of the good guys. And being ten years older than him, I definitely never expected that he would die first.

I know there are many tragedies going on in the world. Many men and women are dying every day. Good people who put their lives on the line for the greater good. Certainly my heart goes out to them but I've never spent time watching them on the tube or big screen. They've never made me laugh my ass off, cry my eyes red or swoon. I have an emotional investment in him. For me Heath Ledger was real. And I will truly miss him... I do already.

I hope the media will respect his family and give them the space they need to grieve. But who am I kidding.