Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Alone No Longer

Jeff will be finished school for the summer. I don't know how to put into words the anxiety I feel about this. We have a big trip coming up too so it's not like we can get a break whenever we want.

Summer break is always an adjustment. First few days are ok. Then we just get in one another's way. By the end of the summer we've found a happy medium and can work around one another. School returns in September and I'm a sap and don't want him to go.

It's easy being alone but it's harder being alone when you haven't been a lone for a while. Even though I see him throughout the year I spend a great deal of my time alone. Most days I think nothing of it. There's always something to do. But some days it picks away at me. "I'm a lone. With myself. I'm bored. With myself."

Wishing he was there does no good and when he finally is, he's tired and doesn't want to be bothered. One eye and ear open for effect.

So I sit and wait for the summer that will start with anxiety and end with regret for yet another year. Repetition sucks.